I didn’t actually witness my father falling into a vat of molten zinc at 450 degrees.
I didn’t actually hear him scream.
I didn’t actually see him somehow get out of the vat and then burst into flames.
I didn’t actually see the remnants of clothing stuck to his burnt body.
I didn’t actually hear him manage to say “tell the girls I’m sorry”.
But it feels like I did.
When someone you love suffers you need to KNOW their pain, despite how tortuous that is for you. You CAN’T NOT. You HAVE to know it, FEEL it, as if it happened TO YOU. You even wish it DID happen to you so that they hadn’t had to suffer but you know really you wouldn’t because you just wouldn’t choose such pain.
When you suffer a trauma you must understand it intimately.
You MUST know ALL the details.
You MUST make friends with it.
You MUST come to LOVE it.
Yes. Love it. You must become truly grateful for and forgive the experience and all that comprises it at least come to that understanding.
You must become at peace with it. ?
Peace doesn’t just come from the seemingly endless tears and the wailing of grief.
Peace doesn’t just come from talking about and understanding your experience.
Peace doesn’t just come from releasing the anger, resentment and frustration.
Peace comes when all of your trauma is integrated as part of you and fully OWNED and HONOURED for the GIFT that it is BY YOU.
When I talk of ‘knowing’ the trauma intimately what I really mean is that you must FEEL IT.
There are no alternative routes to healing. The only way is THROUGH.
You can try to find another way of course with denial, avoidance, distraction, positive focus and a plethora of coping tools all covered in a cloak of Courage and Strength for the world to see and acknowledge.
The real COURAGE; your real STRENGTH, IS BORN FROM YOUR WEAKNESS.
It is turning towards the unbearable feelings when you don’t believe you can make it through and SURRENDERING TO THE PAIN.
IT IS OVERWHELMING. IT IS TERRIFYING. IT IS HORRIFIC. IT IS ALL CONSUMING. IT IS TOO HARD. IT IS TOO PAINFUL. IT IS TORTURE.
AND YET IT IS NECESSARY.
If you can stay with it; if you can release judgement and control; if you have support from those who WILL ALLOW YOU TO FEEL then, even though you don’t know IF and HOW you will ever get through the pain, YOU WILL.
When feelings are felt and expressed they shift.
Time after time of being in the depths of despair, I would eventually feel a sense of ELATION. This totally freaked me out! I was confused by it. I even felt guilty for it. But then I came to understand it: I had truly RELEASED the emotion (at least until the next time) BECAUSE I HAD FELT IT.
If, and I realise that is a BIG “IF”, you can STAY with ANY overwhelming emotion long enough, peace lies the other side. Peace lies underneath. You realise that peace is WHO and WHAT YOU REALLY ARE.
Peace cannot be found through the pursuit of peace.
Peace can only be found through the pain.
Please take that it in.
Peace can ONLY be found through the pain.
You do not have to have suffered something as barbaric as mine or anyone else’s story to know pain and trauma.
Many of our pains, as in the ones that BIND us, are not extreme but we allow them to have a hold over us by avoiding them, by pushing them aside, by dismissing them, by trying to rise above them, by using logic or positive focus to overcome them.
The true gift of experiencing such a horrific trauma is that I HAD TO surrender to it. It was too difficult not too.
?To surrender is NOT to give-in. To surrender is NOT to give-up.
To surrender is to be BRAVE.
To surrender is to ALLOW.
To surrender is to LET GO.
To surrender is to EMPOWER.
I had to experience my trauma so that you might know the empowering nature of CHOOSING to CONFRONT your DARK SIDE. To take charge of your healing so that you may step into the light as your FEARLESS WHOLE-SELF and not be at war within.
It is my hope that my story inspires you to LOVE your own story of trauma or overwhelming emotions, so you may surrender to them and release their control and be FREE TO BECOME WHO YOU REALLY ARE.
This is my purpose.
I have realised that my sparing you the details of my trauma was not serving either of us.
I am finally owning what I’ve long known, in that my learning to LOVE my trauma and acknowledge my dark side will help me to TRANSFORM MY OWN LIFE and YOURS.
I know now that it is my responsibility to step into the leader I am and shine a light on what you are hiding from yourself and the world to empower you to face it all and AWAKEN TO YOUR FULL POTENTIAL.
Don’t wait for your wake-up call!
Use the wisdom of experience from your own story or others’ to help YOU to CREATE THE LIFE YOU WANT NOW.
You are LIMITLESS.
I believe in you.
P.S. Want to MOVE FORWARD with your life? Want to REMOVE the BLOCKS? Join the Dark Side Revolution FB Group – for FREE training and a safe and supportive community of women ready to express and release their overwhelming emotions and FINALLY SHIFT THE SHIT that’s stopping them. I look forward to welcoming you on the other (dark) side. x