It’s an Ego game.
Not my PerMISSION ME journey. That is my soul’s calling.
But IGNORING my calling is my Ego’s game.
When we think of the ego we often think of inflated sense of self. But actually, certainly for me, the opposite is true. Deep down the ego is afraid of being found out. She believes she is not good enough.
She spends her entire life trying to protect these feelings by collecting evidence to the contrary in any form of ‘success’ only to remain in a permanent sate of fear.
When we are WITHOUT EGO we have TRUE CONFIDENCE. When we are WITHOUT EGO we have TRUE POWER. When we are WITHOUT EGO we KNOW our message, our purpose, our passions, our value are all BIGGER THAN US. They come through us not from us.
Whenever I choose to listen to my Ego I contract. I hide. I sabotage. I run away. I feel overwhelmed. I veer off course. I get stuck. I breakdown.
At some point I become AWARE of these patterns of behaviour and I CHOOSE a different response.
What always follows is a BREAKTHROUGH.
Through MEDITATION I have become quite skilled at recognising the signs my Ego has wriggled her way back in the driver’s seat.
Through EMOTIONAL EXPRESSION I have found new ways to release the overwhelming feelings driven by her fear.
Overtime old patterns of behaviour have LOST THEIR POWER.
But some are STUBBORN.
Since I finally gave myself permission to start this blog and write whatever needs to come out that day, my Ego has been relatively quiet.
I accept I am not the most eloquent writer, my grammar is poor and I make far too many typos. I also accept that my content won’t resonate with everyone. I have put aside the belief that I am not a ‘proper writer’.
All pretty accurate judgements that my Ego would have made loud and clear as my reasons NOT to write, at least NOT TO PRESS PUBLISH.
By allowing my Ego to have her say and RELEASING THE FEELINGS attached to it, I am now FREE. Free to write authentically from the heart.
But yesterday I didn’t. Yesterday I DID NOT PRESS PUBLISH. I told myself the blog post wasn’t quite ‘ready’ and it needed more work, which in fairness it wasn’t because I was second guessing myself in the process of writing it.
The truth is I was AFRAID. It holds a BIG MESSAGE. And I FELT VERY SMALL.
I didn’t realise I felt afraid. It was all in my head. I made judgements about what other people would think of it and of me. I made judgements about myself. Who the hell do I think I am? Am I a complete fruit loop?!
I lost my nerve.
Unconsciously part of me wouldn’t allow myself to finish it even though I really wanted to.
That same part DENIED the underlying feelings BY THINKING. Feelings are not of thought. They are not logical. They just are. And then they pass.
I had to get out of the judgements in my head and into my heart to FEEL the truth and be HONEST WITH MYSELF.
Now I am free to choose a different response.
#THE HEART RULES!
Has that ever happened to you; at some point, on some level, in some area of your life?
How many goals have you wanted to achieve big or small and not followed through?
Have you been honest with yourself why?
Have you acknowledged, expressed and released the underlying FEELINGS so you can BREAKTHROUGH?
Hear your Ego. Feel into it. But always follow your heart.
P.S. If this message resonates with you then please join me in The Dark Side Revolution (FREE closed FB Group) where we will allow the Ego to have her say and learn to release the feelings attached to it so she has no power. #THE HEART RULES. I look forward to welcoming to the other (dark) side.
P.P.S. I will finish that blog post.