Yesterday I THOUGHT I had got myself out of my sinking feelings. And certainly for a while there I had. I felt them, I released them, I rebooted and reprogrammed. I felt back on form for a while.
But it didn’t last.
The emotions came back, which is fine since they do just arise and be triggered. The issue was that I DIDN’T ACKNOWLEDGE their reappearance. I didn’t embrace them.
I pushed forward because I had stuff to get done. I thought I was dealing with RESISTANCE.
Yes there are definitely times when you just have to take the emotion out and almost become a robot to get the job done.
But often our overwhelming emotions are caught up with past trauma which are STUBBORN and CANNOT just be ignored or pushed past.
As and when they rise their ugly head again, we need to accept them no matter how inconvenient and uncomfortable they are (and they ALWAYS are!).
I have learnt that it is far quicker and I expend less energy when I GO WITH THEM than to fight them.
I guess it is about knowing yourself well enough to observe how the particular emotions rise and play out for you. Especially if they often result in old habits of self-sabotage or if you give them more meaning with spiralling thoughts.
Needless to say by the end of day I was depleted of energy, drive and passion and frustrated with myself because I didn’t do what I know to do.
I woke up today with the same sinking feelings but this time I remembered to stay WITH them even though I felt I didn’t have the time as I needed to hit the ground running. But still I did and that made all the difference!
We are feeling creatures.
Overwhelming feelings are overwhelming!
If we have suffered trauma in the past they feel MORE extreme and become layered with greater significance.
We need to train ourselves to FEEL THROUGH them and NOT THINK our way OUT of THEM and THEN consciously choose to do something that lights us up.
We need to embrace our Dark Side (all our emotions and experiences we try hide from ourselves and the world), to move into our Light.
Then we truly can connect to our heart.
Then we truly can get into FLOW.
Then we truly can feel FREE.
Then we truly can give our all to what lights us up.
Embracing our Dark Side is NOT to STAY there, it is NOT to ACT FROM there, it is to take a STAND FOR OUR EMOTIONS and our EXPERIENCES and allow ourselves to HAVE and FEEL them WITHOUT judgement.
We can then MOVE FORWARD.
To ignore their presence will SUPPRESS them and may result in UNWANTED REACTIVE BEHAVIOURS of self sabotage and we end up feeling STUCK.
So in this moment I choose again to embrace my Dark Side.
In this moment I choose again to LOVE ALL parts of myself.
In this moment I choose to MOVE FORWARD.