Those sinking feelings.
When something in one area of my life seems like it isn’t working, I often reflect or project that to other or all areas.
Sure I can find lots of evidence but it is all biased because the reality is I don’t let myself see in these moments that for everything that is not working or am not doing right (oh yes I remember now I am NOT perfect and do not NEED to BE PERFECT!), there is at least ONE thing I am doing right.
But when I FEEL this way I CAN’T or rather WON’T see it. I DON’T allow myself to because woe behold…… I DON’T BELIEVE I AM GOOD ENOUGH!
DAMN that habitual belief DIES HARD!
Not to say I thought I would never feel that way again after the last time but, well, honestly, I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD FEEL THAT WAY AGAIN!
I end up looking at myself and my life through a distorted filter even though I KNOW I am doing it! Yet it seems uncontrollable. It seems justified.
As a mother when you feel you are failing your children in some a way that impacts how they may experience life now and in the future is the worst (my current sinking feeling). The resulting guilt, shame and blame scenario that I have been caught up in so many times before takes me back to the times in my past when I have felt that way before. Not necessarily the memories as they are often hard to recall but the FEELINGS.
I used to spend time trying to identify the details of such memories, as insight is essential for transforming limiting beliefs, but now I make it a priority to FEEL the emotions first.
Even though they feel SHIT, SCARY, PAINFUL and OVERWHELMING I know that FEELING IS HEALING and have finally understood that that means you actually need to FEEL first and not just THINK it through.
‘Not feeling good enough’ is dressed in an array of emotions, thoughts and beliefs but essentially it all comes back to FEAR.
So now I allow myself to feel afraid in the knowing it is just an emotion. A powerful, uncomfortable and in the moment a seemingly life-threatening emotion but just an emotion none-the-less.
The biggest fear is that I am afraid I won’t get out of this feeling and that once again it will (unconsciously) be in charge. I know I can and I won’t let it but the feelings are SO REAL.
And they are.
Feelings ARE real.
They don’t have to have any more meaning than that (they usually have of course) but essentially they are TO BE FELT so that they can be RELEASED.
Too many times I have jumped in and tried to THINK my ‘way out’ but that has only ever got me so far and moving forward became an uphill struggle.
Since allowing myself to HONOUR, FEEL and EXPRESS ALL MY EMOTIONS I move out and up in FLOW and FREEDOM.
I stay with the feelings and if and when they become too much i allow myself to express them physically. I can then come back to centre and calm before I allow logic to share its opinion and actively work on cultivating the beliefs I now choose to have instead.
HEALTH WARNING: DO NOT BE LOGICAL ABOUT YOUR OVERWHELMING EMOTIONS BEFORE YOU HAVE FELT THEM!
This seems obvious but so rarely done.
I choose NOT TO BELIEVE “I’m not good enough” but that doesn’t mean I don’t sometimes feel the feelings that drive it. I am not a robot.
I need to allow the powerful emotions to just be but not allow them to have power. By choosing to feel them knowing I know how, I AM IN CHARGE OF MY EMOTIONS!
Since I have learnt to honour and allow ALL of my emotions I have been able to accept and embody new beliefs and mindsets to help me overcome perceived obstacles and internal blocks to give myself permission to pursue my dreams. Even though one area (or several) of my life may not currently be working they don’t have such significance. I know that if I feel my way through then I will come through. ??I now choose to embrace my overwhelming emotions and limiting beliefs that my Dark Side seeks to protect me from so that they are no longer in charge of my life. Honouring them in the light of my awareness allows them to be released.
This has given me immense INTERNAL POWER and opened me up to question what I previously thought was possible for me and my life.
In short, actually feeling my overwhelming emotions to RELEASE them has enabled me to CHOOSE new feelings and beliefs that I REALLY CAN HAVE IT ALL!
YOU can too!
Embrace your Dark Side.
PS My FREE ‘HAVE IT ALL 5 day Challenge’ is starting Friday 10th June. If you want IN then join The Dark Side Revolution (Private FB Group) – a safe and supportive space for women to express and release their overwhelming emotions and limiting beliefs that are blocking them from stepping into their power and creating their dreams. I look forward to welcoming you on the other (dark) side. x